"Jaws Ate My Woobie"

Your Mom calls the vacuum cleaner "jaws"? 

In 1983, Michael Keaton portrayed Jack Butler in the comedy "Mr. Mom".  Now at that time I was 9 years old and to say that being a parent wasn't even on the radar yet would never come close to describing it.  Little did I know that some 20+ years later, I'd be changing diapers, cooking dinner, picking up at day care, attending parent/teacher conferences, etc...AND LOVING IT!  Being Dad to my three children has been...
A. The most rewarding job ever.
B.  The most trying job ever.
C.  The most fun job ever.
D.  All of the above (and then some!)

The answer is "D" by a landslide.  I know that it sounds cliche when one says that they "love their kids more than anything else on Earth"...well being cliche and being true are not mutually exclusive.  I have loved being a dad (and husband too!) more than I ever could have imagined.  The smiles and hugs that await at pickup or when I walk in the door are worth more than a tanker full of gold.  Nothing can wipe away the stress or doldrums of a work day like the words that follow: "Daddy, Daddy...guess what I did today at school..."  With a grin so wide it touches in the back of ones head-the pride that comes over you at that moment is unfavomable, er-unfathimble, it's without fathom. (+5 points to whomever correctly gets THAT reference!)

"Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't." 

NOW...don't get me wrong.  There are challenges that can seem just as strong as the highs.  I feel like I haven't slept in over 5 years.  For those that don't know-I do bedtime, wake up...and everything in between.  For some reason that still eludes me, I elected to take care of the nighttime.  In the beginning I actually would get up and sit awake with my wife when she'd have to breastfeed the baby in the night-then I'd do the feedings while she pumped (if you aren't in the know on that one...probably better left unsaid!).  I've just always been able to function on little sleep, so I figured it was the least I could do.  After all-I wasn't the one that carried and then passed the watermelon.  I'm just trying to do my part.  ;-)  So no matter what any of you guys think...we got off easy.  We could NEVER bear children.  Though I wouldn't have put it past a guy, were we the ones that were donned with the responsibility of carrying child, to have invented something that would have done the work for us!  Ah the hours of effort that will be put forth to avoid having to put in any effort later never ceases to amaze me!

" My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it. "

But I will admit that now at 37 it is definitely harder than it was 5+ years ago after the first one was born.  It is harder to roust myself at God's hour to tend to the crying baby in the middle of the night...it is harder to wake up in the morning when at 5:30am the kids have decided that they are "ready to play and start their day", and above all it is just harder...period.

Caroline: Do you want to go over the list one more time? 
Jack Butler: No I don't want to go over the list! OK let's go over the list.

Do to a job change for my better half, I now get to be more of an involved parent than ever as I have now assumed the after school/work jobs of picking up the kids and then getting everyone fed, bathed, homeworked, and to bed (I always did the bed part before, but now it is that much harder-see above!).  It has definitely tested my limits more than I expected.  Not because I thought it would be easy, mind you.  Having previously been the one that gets to come home and relieve the other parent-I could see and hear just how easy it WASN'T.  But I guess I had enough confidence that I'd be better able to handle it.  Well, brother-let me tell you something (wow, thanks Hulkster)...it has been REALLY DARN HARD!  And I have been humbled to say the least.

Now what is even more funny is that if the position were to become available (and by 'available' I mean feasible) I would apply for the job of 'stay-at-home-dad' yesterday!  Everyday at the park, or playgroups and during nap time I'd go bleary-eyed playing endless hours of Call of Duty on my PS3!  Sign me up!

So I guess the moral of the story is (and this is a thought that I shared with someone recently, actually) that as much as you think about what it will be like once you have children, no matter how much you think that you have prepared, no matter how many times you have babysat, or taught, or spent time with/around other children...until your name is the one on the birth certificate and you are actually the one responsible for another life and they (or you) don't get to go home to separate places once playtime is over-there is absolutely NO WAY TO KNOW what it will be like.  None.  That is not a knock on those that don't have kids but want them-it is just the truth.  I had years of experience working with children before I had any that called me 'daddy'...and while it certainly helped prepare me there is just a whole new lever once you have some of your own.

Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it? 


But I wouldn't have it any other way.  Thanks as always for taking the time...until next time.

Mr. John