"Jaws Ate My Woobie"

Your Mom calls the vacuum cleaner "jaws"? 

In 1983, Michael Keaton portrayed Jack Butler in the comedy "Mr. Mom".  Now at that time I was 9 years old and to say that being a parent wasn't even on the radar yet would never come close to describing it.  Little did I know that some 20+ years later, I'd be changing diapers, cooking dinner, picking up at day care, attending parent/teacher conferences, etc...AND LOVING IT!  Being Dad to my three children has been...
A. The most rewarding job ever.
B.  The most trying job ever.
C.  The most fun job ever.
D.  All of the above (and then some!)

The answer is "D" by a landslide.  I know that it sounds cliche when one says that they "love their kids more than anything else on Earth"...well being cliche and being true are not mutually exclusive.  I have loved being a dad (and husband too!) more than I ever could have imagined.  The smiles and hugs that await at pickup or when I walk in the door are worth more than a tanker full of gold.  Nothing can wipe away the stress or doldrums of a work day like the words that follow: "Daddy, Daddy...guess what I did today at school..."  With a grin so wide it touches in the back of ones head-the pride that comes over you at that moment is unfavomable, er-unfathimble, it's without fathom. (+5 points to whomever correctly gets THAT reference!)

"Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't." 

NOW...don't get me wrong.  There are challenges that can seem just as strong as the highs.  I feel like I haven't slept in over 5 years.  For those that don't know-I do bedtime, wake up...and everything in between.  For some reason that still eludes me, I elected to take care of the nighttime.  In the beginning I actually would get up and sit awake with my wife when she'd have to breastfeed the baby in the night-then I'd do the feedings while she pumped (if you aren't in the know on that one...probably better left unsaid!).  I've just always been able to function on little sleep, so I figured it was the least I could do.  After all-I wasn't the one that carried and then passed the watermelon.  I'm just trying to do my part.  ;-)  So no matter what any of you guys think...we got off easy.  We could NEVER bear children.  Though I wouldn't have put it past a guy, were we the ones that were donned with the responsibility of carrying child, to have invented something that would have done the work for us!  Ah the hours of effort that will be put forth to avoid having to put in any effort later never ceases to amaze me!

" My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it. "

But I will admit that now at 37 it is definitely harder than it was 5+ years ago after the first one was born.  It is harder to roust myself at God's hour to tend to the crying baby in the middle of the night...it is harder to wake up in the morning when at 5:30am the kids have decided that they are "ready to play and start their day", and above all it is just harder...period.

Caroline: Do you want to go over the list one more time? 
Jack Butler: No I don't want to go over the list! OK let's go over the list.

Do to a job change for my better half, I now get to be more of an involved parent than ever as I have now assumed the after school/work jobs of picking up the kids and then getting everyone fed, bathed, homeworked, and to bed (I always did the bed part before, but now it is that much harder-see above!).  It has definitely tested my limits more than I expected.  Not because I thought it would be easy, mind you.  Having previously been the one that gets to come home and relieve the other parent-I could see and hear just how easy it WASN'T.  But I guess I had enough confidence that I'd be better able to handle it.  Well, brother-let me tell you something (wow, thanks Hulkster)...it has been REALLY DARN HARD!  And I have been humbled to say the least.

Now what is even more funny is that if the position were to become available (and by 'available' I mean feasible) I would apply for the job of 'stay-at-home-dad' yesterday!  Everyday at the park, or playgroups and during nap time I'd go bleary-eyed playing endless hours of Call of Duty on my PS3!  Sign me up!

So I guess the moral of the story is (and this is a thought that I shared with someone recently, actually) that as much as you think about what it will be like once you have children, no matter how much you think that you have prepared, no matter how many times you have babysat, or taught, or spent time with/around other children...until your name is the one on the birth certificate and you are actually the one responsible for another life and they (or you) don't get to go home to separate places once playtime is over-there is absolutely NO WAY TO KNOW what it will be like.  None.  That is not a knock on those that don't have kids but want them-it is just the truth.  I had years of experience working with children before I had any that called me 'daddy'...and while it certainly helped prepare me there is just a whole new lever once you have some of your own.

Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it? 


But I wouldn't have it any other way.  Thanks as always for taking the time...until next time.

Mr. John

Did You Miss Me?

Hello again...I know, I know...you thought you were rid of me, right?  Well NO SUCH LUCK!  I'm back, finally.  I have no real specific topic to share with you today outside of what the heck has been going on for the last two weeks that has kept me from gracing your screen with another post.  Needless to say (an interesting oxymoron, don't you think?) there has been plenty of happenings in recent past, so here comes the good, the bad, and the ugly...(Because there has certainly been a bit of each!).

And away we go-

So when you last heard from me I was commenting on my little sister's wedding-along with many other weddings and such.  Since then, well-let's see...my wife started a brand new job that brought about new longer hours for her.  Domino effect-my schedule changed, so I now pick up the kids each night, do dinner, baths, homework, all that.  Has turned out to be a little more than I bargained for.  God bless my wife for having done all this before.  Granted I get a later jump on it..but still-it is a lot.

So we're in the midst of the first week of that new schedule and BAM!  The wife and kids get into a car accident!  Fortunately nobody was 'seriously' hurt.  Especially the kids.  They never saw it coming, so not unlike the drunk driver that escapes without harm, they were totally relaxed at impact.  Unfortunately my wife was not quite as lucky and got a few bumps, bruises, and massive soreness from tensing up at the moment of impact.  Everyone was taken to the hospital to get checked out.  So that day was kind of lost to many phone calls and arrangements for rental cars, missed work, etc.  This impacted the next day-when the wife couldn't drive so we all rode together (on another altered schedule).  A difficult weekend followed with everyone still a little weary.  Throw in a few other previous obligations and you have a lot of days spoken for.  Moving on...

So then a few days later, my baby ends up getting sick.  Took him to the doc to find out he has an ear infection and croup.  Lovely...did I mention that the due to the job change, the kids will be switching to a far inferior set of medical benefits in mere days?  There's a stress that we didn't need.  Hey...why don't we take him back to the doc the next day (this was for a scheduled appt that was made some time ago...but was supposed to happen the previous week...the morning of the accident!).  Cap off the week with a parent/teacher conference.  Wow.  C'est la vie...

At least there wasn't some big day that the kids had been looking forward to for weeks coming up with parties and events every which way but loose...oh, wait.  That's right...just kidding-hello there HALLOWEEN!  Okay, pumpkin carvings, school parties and parades, does the costume fit?  Did we get any candy, where are we going...the list goes on-but you all know that already.  Finally we got passed all of that and now today came and we can enjoy the next few weeks of everyday being asked if all the candy is gone yet.

So let me get this straight...is it November already?  Where does the time go?  Next thing you know we'll be cooking turkeys and sweet potatoes but trying to get to bed early enough to be out the door for Black Friday sales.  Sheesh...yet I digress.

Well, that is about all I have for you today.  Sorry that after a two week hiatus I didn't have something a bit more substantial for you...but I promise I'll make it up to you.  I have some interesting thoughts on where this is all going to go pretty soon, so stay tuned in to hear what lies ahead...and tell your friends!

As always, thanks for taking the time-until next time...

Mr. John Martin